Me, Of Little Faith

Tonight I was flipping aimlessly through my Bible, which I often do, hoping that the "right" piece of scripture will jump out at me. I came to and read the story in Matthew of Jesus walking on the water. I've read this story a ton of times, but I absolutely love it. For some reason this short, simple story is so very powerful for me.

     Immediately Jesus made the disciples get into the boat and go on ahead of him to the other side, while he dismissed the crowd. After he had dismissed them, he went up on a mountainside by himself to pray. When evening came, he was there alone, but the boat was already a considerable distance from land, buffeted by the waves because the wind was against it.

During the fourth watch of the night Jesus went out to them, walking on the lake. When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear.

 But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said.

Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!"

Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."  (Matthew 14:23-33)

There are a lot of times that I read about something Peter did and I feel as if I'm exactly like him, and this is definitely one of those times. Jesus is right there with me, telling me that I can trust him and all I need to do is keep my eyes on him. For a moment I do.. but then the wind comes. I turn my face away and look at the wind - the heartbreak, the fear, the struggle - and I let it change me. I lose faith. I stop trusting. And I sink.
 
What happens next is what really touches my heart. "Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him." Immediately. Jesus doesn't allow Peter to drown. He doesn't even allow Peter to sink deeper and struggle in the water, trying to keep his head up, paying for his mistake before eventually pulling him out. Jesus could have looked upon Peter doing that, while saying, "See what you've done? You put yourself here. Now find your way out." No. Immediately, Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. He looks at me in my moment of falling and says no, I will not let you fall. I've got you.
 

"You of little faith, why did you doubt?"

 
This verse is SO very applicable to my life. I can picture Jesus there beside me when I constantly doubt, wondering why I don't just trust him. What I like to picture is that I am a little girl, and Jesus is teaching me to ride my first bike. I make him promise that he won't let go of it, so he holds on. And I start pedaling. But then, I get scared. I think "What if he lets go? What if he already has? He's distracted by something else. He's not paying attention to me. I'm going to screw it up, again." So I panic, and swerve, and crash. I doubted. All the while, Jesus had never let go. He picks me up, kisses my scraped up knees, and gently asks me, his daughter, "Why did you doubt? I was right here, just like I promised."
 
 

 
I know he's there. I don't know why I doubt. In the deepest places of my heart, I know he will never let me sink.