Kicking and Screaming

I was literally just seconds away from starting to write this blog, in which I was going to complain about how no matter WHAT the temperature is outside, and no matter WHAT I set the thermostat to, the air conditioning in my office (which is conveniently right above my desk) is always, always, always on. It's freezing. It can be 5 degrees outside and the AC still blows on me full blast. At all times. I could write an entire book on the saga of my office temperature. Right now my fingers are turning white. And then, magically, just as I started to type, it turned off!! FINALLY! No more cold air on me all day!!! :-D

.... Oh wait. Just kidding. It came back on before I could finish that paragraph. I should just quit my job.

Anyways, back to the topic of this blog: doing-what-God-calls-me-to-do-even-if-it-sucks. Lately, after many years of closing my eyes and ears, I have again started listening to God and trying to obey what he is asking me to do. Sometimes it is horribly painful (i.e. breaking up with The Ex Boyfriend) and sometimes decidedly easier. Last night I became aware of the next way that God is challenging me to step outside of my comfort zone.

I am part of a Community Group (small group Bible study) at my church. These girls mean the world to me. I've been in the group for a couple of years, but we have split twice since I joined, so the people in it have changed somewhat. Our last split (which we have to do every time the group gets too big) happened in March, and I was pretty heartbroken about it. Well, last night the news I had been expecting, and dreading, was delivered: we are splitting "branching" once again. Because I am a quasi-leader, it has already been decided which group I will be in. And, well... I had to hold back tears when we talked about it. Four of the girls that I am closest to and adore the most will be in the other group. No more seeing them every week, sharing our hearts and lives with each other.

This is really an exercise in trust for me - trusting that God is placing me where He can use me most effectively, even if it is uncomfortable for me (which it very much is). I feel that I am called to lead a Community Group soon, and the way this split is happening might work out better eventually in that respect. I am being placed with a lot of the younger girls (and separated from the only other person in our group who is my age and post-college), who I can hopefully lead and counsel well. But it's challenging. I am going to be very sad to separate from some of my dearest friends. We'll say, as we always do, "Let's still hang out all the time!" But we won't. That's just the way these things go.

At this moment I think God is saying to me, "You have grown tremendously in me this past year. You have been able to turn to and lean on these women for support through some of the toughest times in your life. And now, it is time for you to invest in them. This group is not just about you being fed; it's also very much about how you can be used to impact others. Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Okay, God. I trust you. Even though it hurts. Even though I sobbed in bed last night about it, and even though I know there will be more tears once we have to tell the rest of the group about this. Even though I am surprised and a little confused at the way you are doing this, and it doesn't at all fit into what my plan was. Even though __________.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
                and lean not on your own understanding;  

in all your ways acknowledge him,
             and he will make your paths straight."

                             Proverbs 3:5-6



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