People Will Fail You

One of my current struggles (one of many, trust me) is a general feeling of disappointment with the people around me. I guess I have been feeling like this for a while, but right now it seems several of these stories have come to the surface and I'm noticing them even more.

Don't get me wrong - I am a wonderfully blessed woman with many amazing people in my life. I have friends like Brittany who have absolutely always been there for me no matter what horrible mess I've gotten myself into, and always will be. I have parents that love me very much, and a sister who I could tell anything to, even though I don't because I worry what she would think of me.

But I also have some people around who let me down. Sometimes more than once. Particularly, men. For example:

The Childhood Crush: The guy I liked from the ages of 13 through.. I'm not sure.. I'd probably still like him now if he were single. No matter how badly he treated me (he did), I continually ignored it and still pined for him. I wasted many years ignoring good men around me in favor of wishing and hoping he'd change his mind and one day appreciate me. He didn't.

The Horny Online Friend: We used to be friends in real life, and then he moved away. For about 8 months he would only talk to me online when he was in a *certain* mood. A few months ago, he vowed to make a change and to start treating me with respect and being a true friend to me. Since that date he has initiated precisely ZERO conversations with me. I even ran into him at a wedding recently, at which he vowed to call me and get together while he was in town. He did not.

The First Post-Breakup Crush: This one probably really is a great guy, but he isn't who I've created him in my head to be. For a while now I have, over and over, convinced myself that there are subtle signs he is interested in me, even though all real evidence points to the contrary. Worst of it is, I think he knows how I feel, and tends to take advantage of it sometimes.

The Drama King Friend: The first several years of our friendship consisted of him disliking me and me trying to bend over backwards to change his opinion. Recently we had our friendship restored in an amazing way, which I am very thankful for. Yesterday he even came through for me and talked me through an emotional breakdown. But even so, today I texted him trying to talk about a serious situation we're both dealing with, only to receive a response that he doesn't want to talk. Fantastic.

The Ex Boyfriend: Obviously, the one with the most attachment to my heart. I spent 4 years with this man. I gave him my whole heart. And in many ways he loved me well. But there were always things, here and there, that I knew I shouldn't have to put up with but that I chose to overlook because I was so invested in him. Eventually I broke up with him. I have remained close friends with him. But now I am painfully being forced to realize that he may not be the great man I wanted to believe he was. I can't begin to describe what that feeling is like.

My general feeling about all of them right now is: I should have known. I shouldn't have expected the best when I had experienced the worst. I should have become jaded and cynical so I wouldn't be let down anymore. But isn't that a sad existence? Which is worse: to see the best in people and be proven wrong, or to see the worst in them and be proven right?

Today, the only thing I know for sure is that this saying is true:

People will fail you. God won't.

Praise the Lord for that.