Where Have I Gone?

Wow. I definitely just disappeared altogether from this blog, for a long time. I suppose there are a lot of reasons for that. Life has been crazy (i.e. pretty sucky) this year. But rather than launch into why that is, I'm going to ease back into blogging by starting with another Wednesday's Random Dozen:

1. Have you ever fired a gun or shot a bow and arrow?
Yes to both. I own a gun, and would love to buy another one someday when I have the money to spare. I haven't shot a bow and arrow since I was a kid, but I always loved it. I think it would be really fun to go bow hunting someday (even though I've never gone hunting at all, so I really don't know).

2. Do you know where your childhood best friends are?
Thanks to Facebook, yes. Most of my childhood friends are now married, some have kids, a few have moved away. The girl I was best friends with all through high school is now divorced, and still lives in the same city as me, but we don't talk to each other. 

3. Do you usually arrive early, late, or on time?
I'm usually on time or early, especially for something important. I hate being late or keeping people waiting.

4. Are you more of a New York or California type?
I guess California? I'm basing that largely on the fact that, while New York City is cool, it's definitely not the kind of place I would want to live. Much too big/busy for me. There are several places in California I could live, though. And I suppose I should have some loyalty to California anyway since my parents are from there and I was technically born there. :)

5. Do you have a special ring tone?
Yes I do, I just recently changed it to "Say Hey (I Love You)" by Michael Franti & Spearhead. Such a catchy song! Now if only someone would call me! I should have made it my text ringtone instead.

6. What is your favorite type of chip?
Oooooh this is a tough one. I LOVE chips. I could eat chips all day every day. Lately though I am hooked on Stacy's brand pita chips, the parmesan & garlic ones. Soooo goooooood.

7. Best comedy you’ve ever seen is ….
Movies or TV? Well actually I don't think I could narrow down a favorite of either. My favorite movie is You've Got Mail.. not sure it's the funniest though. My new favorite show is Parks & Rec. That one and Modern Family have me CRACKING UP every week. :D

8. Have you ever cut your own hair? To quote Dr. Phil, “How’d that work for ya?”
Not that I remember, though I'm sure I trimmed my own bangs at some point when I was a kid. They always looked awful anyway though. I wish someone would have told me that.

9. If you were going to have an extreme makeover, would you rather it be about your house or your personal self?
That depends who is doing the making over! I'd probably stick with house. I think to make over my personal self would be much too difficult/personal/challenging. I'm up for free furniture and decorating though. ;)

10. Are you allergic to anything?
I'm allergic to pollen, dust and cats. In the last few years my seasonal allergies haven't been that bad though, which is nice (and odd).

11. Why is it so hard to change?
Ohhh goodness. Because I'm a flawed, sinful person. Because my heart is bent toward rebellion. Because old habits die hard. I'm in the middle of trying to figure this one out in a big way in my life right now.

12. CS Lewis said, “To love is to be vulnerable.” Please share one example of that assertion or share any thought you’d like to about this topic.
In that same quote C.S. Lewis also said:

"Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket- safe, dark, motionless, airless--it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.”

Absolutely true. I've given my heart away (probably too many times, and often very unwisely). And some of it I regret. But some of it I don't. I spent 4+ years of my life with a man who I was absolutely sure I would marry, and while now it is excruciatingly painful to accept the fact that we will never be together again, I do not regret loving him. We had a lot of really wonderful times together. I learned a lot about myself and about relationships, giving, patience and so much else.

To use Lewis' quote, my heart is breakable, it is penetrable, but it is also redeemable (hence the title of my blog).

Race for Sara

I am very excited about something new I have to look forward to this week:

This year, my sister and I are going to participate in a

Susan G. Komen Race for the Cure!

I decided this a couple of days ago, kind of on a whim. I saw a commercial for the Komen 3-Day, and immediately texted my sister to say that I wanted to do one with her. And fortunately, she was super excited too, so we're doing it!

I have peripherally known several people who have battled breast cancer, but I haven't experienced it in someone close to me. Unfortunately, my sister has. Her dear friend Sara was diagnosed with breast cancer in March 2009 - two days after finding out that she was pregnant (if you're interested you can check out their blog, The Sullivans. It brought me to tears many times, and I never even met them). Miraculously, Sara was able to carry the baby to term while undergoing chemotherapy, and gave birth to beautiful, healthy Chloe on September 8, 2009.

Fourteen days later, after precious time with her baby girl, God called Sara home to him.

Their blog is unbelievable. Their unwavering faith and ability to see that God works through even the most devastating situations is so powerful. This is from Brady's post on the day of Sara's passing:

"Sara is now with Jesus and for this I am thankful...and at peace! ...  It is completely clear to me that the Lord was calling Sara home at this time. No matter what her diagnosis had been, it was her time to go. She delivered our miracle baby and we spent a few days at home as a family. I have never seen Sara happier, and I feel as though those few days were like heaven on earth."

The Susan G. Komen foundation made this video about Sara for their race in Dallas last year:



I am really excited to participate in this race. We will be racing for Sara, as well as for so many other people whose lives are so affected. I have a friend whose mom is actually battling breast cancer right now, and my boyfriend's aunt also just had surgery to remove a very aggressive form of breast cancer. It's amazing how much you notice a particular issue when you look around for it.

My sister and I will most likely walk it, but I am still pumped to start working out and get in shape. I think it's going to be something really, really special for us to share together. I can't wait.

Also, I'll post on here once we get the fundraising going, so if any of you want to donate that would be awesome! :)

Sarah's husband Brady, racing for her

If you'd like to get involved... Susan G. Komen Foundation

Taken By Surprise :)

So, I disappeared there for a while! Sorry about that. Honestly, I think I just concluded that no one really cared about my blog anyway so I stopped bothering. But, while it still very well may be true that no one cares, I'm going to post again anyway. Even if just for myself. :)

Update on my life: A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months. These include:

• One of my best friends ending up in the hospital and finding out she has a serious, incurable disease. (rest assured, God is unbelievably faithful and has worked through her in a powerful way through this!)
• My car being broken into and my purse stolen, with everything important in it. Big, giant hassle. (however, thank God I work in law enforcement, because my boys sprang into action and arrested the people responsible!)
• A huge step forward towards me leading a community group (a women's Bible study group at my church), which is something I've wanted for a long time and am super excited for!
• The Ex Boyfriend coming back into the picture, to reveal to me that he is still in love with me and wants to marry me, and asking me to consider that. Not easy on the heart. Not by any stretch.
• And... most relevant to the past topics on this blog...

a new boyfriend.

That's right. God has blessed me with a wonderful man in my life. I absolutely wasn't seeking him. I was looking everywhere else (in all the wrong places, it appeared) and had my eye on other guys who I thought were what I wanted/needed. The Musician fizzled into nothingness, which is apparently all it ever was all along (silly me). Drama King Friend suddenly seemed like it might turn into something more, but I stepped out and had that awkward conversation with him, to find that it wasn't going to. But, low and behold, all the while, this man was right there patiently waiting for me. Let's call him Man Who Loves Jesus, because that is first and foremost what he is.

This man was a close friend of mine, and had asked me out back in September. I didn't feel anything for him, so I said no. And, as few men will, he honestly and whole-heartedly respected that decision. No sneaky, subtle attempts to try to change my mind or coerce me into dating him. He committed 100% to being my friend. He was intentional about caring for, loving and serving me as a sister in Christ. He displayed the qualities of a godly, servant-hearted husband, even as just a friend to me. And as a result, God changed my heart toward him. God opened my eyes to these character qualities that are so much more important than the things that I usually notice more easily. One day it occurred to me, "I have feelings for this man. I didn't used to, but now I do. I wasn't attracted to him at all, and now I am. How did that happen?!" Well: God. That's how.

So, we started dating. I had been very nervous about becoming emotionally vulnerable to someone again, and he was absolutely understanding about that. He patiently waited for me to be ready: first to go on a few dates, then to officially become his girlfriend (which he asked by saying "I would be honored to be your boyfriend, if you are ready for that. And if you aren't, I understand and that is okay." Aww!), then to go "facebook official", and even to meet my parents. Before we made anything official, he sat down with my ex boyfriend (because they are friends) and, as an honorable man should, told him face-to-face what was going on between us, so that he wouldn't hear it from anywhere else and could voice his thoughts on it. That was a horrible conversation, filled with a lot of tears -- which were later explained when The Ex Boyfriend asked me to take him back 2 weeks later -- but he endured it, because that was the right thing to do. That's the kind of man he is.

If ever I have known a man who truly exemplified Jesus, he is it. He loves me (we're not "in love" yet, but I'll keep you all posted) as Jesus loves us. He serves me as Jesus served. He absolutely forgives my past and all of my horrible sins. I have heard for years about how "a good Christian man won't see those things when he looks at you, he'll see you as Jesus does," but I don't think I ever really believed that I'd find a man like that. I was pretty certain that once I shared all of my mistakes and issues with him, he'd make a run for the door. He did not. He accepts me, with all that entails - to the point where he actually said to me the other day:

"I never expected you to be baggage free. I'm not either. But it is an honor for me to help you carry those things, because that's what Jesus did for me - he carried mine."

He loves Jesus more than he ever will love me, and that's the way it should be. Our relationship is centered on the Lord. I've never known what that looked like before, but I am learning. He's someone I can trust to lead me spiritually, because he is a mature man of the Lord.

So, for any of you out there who are still looking, and tend towards impatience and frustration like I do, be encouraged: men who truly walk with Jesus with their whole hearts are out there. They really are. I don't know whether this man will end up being my husband, but even if he doesn't, he is showing me the amazing qualities of God. I see Jesus in him. There is honestly nothing better in the world.



Also, side note, a woman at my church (the lead pastor's wife actually) has started a blog, which is awesome! Especially right now, she just did a series on dating in the church, and it's great! Check her out:

A Real Preacher's Wife in Reno