Update on my life: A lot of things have happened in the past couple of months. These include:
- One of my best friends ending up in the hospital and finding out she has a serious, incurable disease. (rest assured, God is unbelievably faithful and has worked through her in a powerful way through this!)
- My car being broken into and my purse stolen, with everything important in it. Big, giant hassle. (however, thank God I work in law enforcement, because my boys sprang into action and arrested the people responsible!)
- A huge step forward towards me leading a community group (a women's Bible study group at my church), which is something I've wanted for a long time and am super excited for!
- The Ex Boyfriend coming back into the picture, to reveal to me that he is still in love with me and wants to marry me, and asking me to consider that. Not easy on the heart. Not by any stretch.
- And... most relevant to the past topics on this blog...
a new boyfriend.
That's right. God has blessed me with a wonderful man in my life. I absolutely wasn't seeking him. I was looking everywhere else (in all the wrong places, it appeared) and had my eye on other guys who I thought were what I wanted/needed. The Musician fizzled into nothingness, which is apparently all it ever was all along (silly me). Drama King Friend suddenly seemed like it might turn into something more, but I stepped out and had that awkward conversation with him, to find that it wasn't going to. But, low and behold, all the while, this man was right there patiently waiting for me. Let's call him Man Who Loves Jesus, because that is first and foremost what he is.
This man was a close friend of mine, and had asked me out back in September. I didn't feel anything for him, so I said no. And, as few men will, he honestly and whole-heartedly respected that decision. No sneaky, subtle attempts to try to change my mind or coerce me into dating him. He committed 100% to being my friend. He was intentional about caring for, loving and serving me as a sister in Christ. He displayed the qualities of a godly, servant-hearted husband, even as just a friend to me. And as a result, God changed my heart toward him. God opened my eyes to these character qualities that are so much more important than the things that I usually notice more easily. One day it occurred to me, "I have feelings for this man. I didn't used to, but now I do. I wasn't attracted to him at all, and now I am. How did that happen?!" Well: God. That's how.
So, we started dating. I had been very nervous about becoming emotionally vulnerable to someone again, and he was absolutely understanding about that. He patiently waited for me to be ready: first to go on a few dates, then to officially become his girlfriend (which he asked by saying "I would be honored to be your boyfriend, if you are ready for that. And if you aren't, I understand and that is okay." Aww!), then to go "facebook official", and even to meet my parents. Before we made anything official, he sat down with my ex boyfriend (because they are friends) and, as an honorable man should, told him face-to-face what was going on between us, so that he wouldn't hear it from anywhere else and could voice his thoughts on it. That was a horrible conversation, filled with a lot of tears -- which were later explained when The Ex Boyfriend asked me to take him back 2 weeks later -- but he endured it, because that was the right thing to do. That's the kind of man he is.
If ever I have known a man who truly exemplified Jesus, he is it. He loves me (we're not "in love" yet, but I'll keep you all posted) as Jesus loves us. He serves me as Jesus served. He absolutely forgives my past and all of my horrible sins. I have heard for years about how "a good Christian man won't see those things when he looks at you, he'll see you as Jesus does," but I don't think I ever really believed that I'd find a man like that. I was pretty certain that once I shared all of my mistakes and issues with him, he'd make a run for the door. He did not. He accepts me, with all that entails - to the point where he actually said to me the other day:
"I never expected you to be baggage free. I'm not either. But it is an honor for me to help you carry those things, because that's what Jesus did for me - he carried mine."He loves Jesus more than he ever will love me, and that's the way it should be. Our relationship is centered on the Lord. I've never known what that looked like before, but I am learning. He's someone I can trust to lead me spiritually, because he is a mature man of the Lord.
So, for any of you out there who are still looking, and tend towards impatience and frustration like I do, be encouraged: men who truly walk with Jesus with their whole hearts are out there. They really are. I don't know whether this man will end up being my husband, but even if he doesn't, he is showing me the amazing qualities of God. I see Jesus in him. There is honestly nothing better in the world.
Also, side note, a woman at my church (the lead pastor's wife actually) has started a blog, which is awesome! Especially right now, she just did a series on dating in the church, and it's great! Check her out:
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