Age Is.. Just a Number?

Lately I've been feeling old. I will be 25 in February, which I have recently decided will be the official shift from "young adult" into just plain "adult." I am not super excited about it. I'm sure a large part of my discontent stems from the realization that I will not be married at any age younger than 25, which is very far off my original plan. I was sure I'd be married by 23 at the latest. Well, here I am without even a boyfriend, so that obviously won't be the case. Plus, a majority of my friends are younger than I am (one of my best friends turns 20 today). So, I feel old.

Add to this an interesting new tidbit: there is a new boy. I'm pretty sure I like him, even though it is very early on. And... he is 3 years younger than me. :-O This is a WAY new position for me to be in. I have never ever dated, or even liked, a guy that was any more than 6 months younger than me. I've always been attracted to older men. My ex, for example, was 4 1/2 years older than me (only two months younger than my sister, which was always weird). However, I was definitely the adult in that relationship. He often acted like a teenager. So, I feel like that could mean a couple of things with this new guy (we'll call him "Musician"): he could be similarly immature, and act like he's 16. Or, he could be a very mature guy, and the age difference could turn out to be not that big of a deal at all. Hopefully it's the latter!

One of my good friends told me an encouraging story about someone she knows who decided to give a younger guy a chance, and they have turned out perfectly happy together and will be marrying soon. I just have no experience in this area, though. I've considered dating guys that are as much as 7 or 8 years older than me, but younger than me just didn't really cross my mind until I met Musician (explanation for that: he is very cute, friendly, I've heard great things about him from a friend who knows him, and most importantly he is absolutely in love with the Lord).

What do you all think out there? Is it worth considering? Should I not even be concerned about the age?

Happiness vs. Holiness

One of the many books I'm currently "reading" (which, in some cases, means the book is sitting on either my coffee table or nightstand but has not been opened in weeks or months) is Instruments in the Redeemer's Hands by Paul David Tripp. Actually, I just finished it tonight, and it was really amazing. And very relevant for me right now. Tonight I came across a quote in there that I just LOVED, and want to share:

"We forget that God's primary goal is not changing our situations and relationships so that we can be happy, but changing us through our situations and relationships so that we will be holy."

How true! I think I need a reminder of this every day. It is SO easy to become completely self-absorbed, only thinking about and only praying about the things that will make me most comfortable/happy/satisfied. But I need to remember, it isn't about what makes me happy. Yes, sometimes God's plans bring me great satisfaction. But sometimes they do not. And there is always a reason for that. God is using my situations, relationships, and everything else in my life (even my own mistakes and sins) to make me more holy, more like Him. And that should be more than enough for me. :)

Also, I heard this song on my way home from an ice cream date with one of my best friends, and I just loved it. So I'll share that too:

Success

I did it. I went shopping, and I got 5 of the 6 things on my wish list!! I am the proud new owner of:

Not one sweater dress, but TWO!! This one from Kohl's, plus another grey and black one from Marshall's....

Super cute new ballet flats (which are surprisingly comfortable!)...

And even a fashionable belt, a super pretty scarf, and some leggings (which I'm not posting a picture of, because that's clearly very boring).

Tomorrow I'm going to wear a whole new ensemble of these things, and I'm super excited about it. I will be at church ALL day, which means I'm going to see pretty much everyone I know - including "First Post-Breakup Crush" guy - so I may as well look cute. ;)

Fashionista? Me?

Confession: I am not very trendy or fashionable. I wear clothes that are nice enough, but I pretty much wear jeans every day and probably 60% of my wardrobe is from Old Navy. I always see things that I think are super cute, but I just feel like "That isn't me" so I end up buying something plain. Classic. Boring.

I want to go shopping this weekend, and I want to get these things:

A sweater dress (or two or three...)

 Leggings to wear with my new sweater dress. I've been trying for months to muster up the courage to get a dress and leggings, because I always see people wearing them and they're so super cute. Plus I'm always cold, so I feel like this is a good option for me.

Ballet flats. Another thing that I always think looks cute, but I don't have the guts to buy for some reason. I feel like if I wear something trendy like this, people will be able to tell that I'm not REALLY trendy and that I'm just pretending.

Soft, fuzzy boots. I think I'd only wear them on the weekends, because at work I'd feel like they are slippers. But I only work 4 days a week anyway, so I think this would be a good investment.

A thin, pretty scarf that isn't beige or grey or brown or black. An actual COLOR. Even though it won't "match everything." I'm sick of buying things that are boring colors just because they'll go with everything. So what if I wear a brown sweater and a purple scarf, right?

And perhaps, even a fashionable belt to wear with my new dress or with something else.

It will definitely be interesting to see if I actually get any of these things. Either way, wish me luck! :)

Things I've Thought Today #1

So I used to do this thing on Facebook, where I would post a note entitled "Things I've Thought Today." It was just a random collection of thoughts/musings I had, and people really seemed to enjoy them. I think even back then I felt the urge to blog, because this feels like something that transfers perfectly into this format. So, I'm going to start doing it here. :)

To give you a little background on me, here are the things I thought on June 28, 2010:

"1. Sunburn + being in the sun + bra straps = OUCH.

2. I guess I really like to write things in the "__ + __ = __" format. I do that in my status updates a lot. Maybe on a subconscious level, I really enjoy math?

3. It is highly possible that I have an addiction to shopping. Which is weird, because if you knew me in high school you might remember that I hated going shopping. Maybe now those 18 years of repressed shopping desire are all spilling out.

4. When I meet a stranger and find out that person is also a Christian, I feel happy inside. Like I somehow know them already. :)

5. I have never gotten a traffic ticket (except for parking), and I have never caused a car accident. Despite these facts, I actually do not think I am a very great driver. It sucks to admit that, but it's probably the truth. :-P

6. In my opinion, texting is one of the greatest technological advancements we've had in recent years. Some would argue that it replaces actual conversation and that's bad, but in my experience it's the opposite. I have a lot more contact with people via texting that I wouldn't have otherwise, because we're not in a phone call-friendly relationship, or because I don't have that much to say all at once.

7. I got my hair cut on Friday, and I'm not happy with it. But at least 5 people at church yesterday told me it looked super cute. So, maybe it does... or maybe everyone just likes to be polite. :)

8. Surprise savings are the best! Today I went to Borders to buy a particular book. It wasn't marked on sale, but when she rang it up I unexpectedly saved 33%. How fun!

9. Sometimes it can take months, or even years, of knowing a person before you realize how much you have in common with them. This has happened to me a lot recently. So, just because someone in your life is much older or younger than you, in a different stage of life, a different gender, a different political leaning, or whatever: don't dismiss them. You never know how valuable a friend that person may turn out to be.

10. I still miss my old friends. There are many of you that I used to be super close friends with, and now for one reason or another we are just acquaintances. In most cases no hard feelings are involved, we just drifted apart. But just know that I miss you.

11. I. Love. Wearing. Skirts. I don't know why. ;)

12. I really want to go on a vacation with a girlfriend of mine!

13. For some reason I always feel a little weird referring to my female friends as "girlfriends," even though it's quite common.

14. I am going on a mission trip to Guatemala in August, and I am TOTALLY excited and TOTALLY scared all at once. It's awesome. :D"

Again, that was from June, so I have since gone on the Guatemala trip (which was INCREDIBLE). Weird timing that I posted this now though, because I actually also just got a haircut - on Saturday this time - and I don't know if I'm crazy about it. :P

Keep an eye out for more things I've thought... :D

Kicking and Screaming

I was literally just seconds away from starting to write this blog, in which I was going to complain about how no matter WHAT the temperature is outside, and no matter WHAT I set the thermostat to, the air conditioning in my office (which is conveniently right above my desk) is always, always, always on. It's freezing. It can be 5 degrees outside and the AC still blows on me full blast. At all times. I could write an entire book on the saga of my office temperature. Right now my fingers are turning white. And then, magically, just as I started to type, it turned off!! FINALLY! No more cold air on me all day!!! :-D

.... Oh wait. Just kidding. It came back on before I could finish that paragraph. I should just quit my job.

Anyways, back to the topic of this blog: doing-what-God-calls-me-to-do-even-if-it-sucks. Lately, after many years of closing my eyes and ears, I have again started listening to God and trying to obey what he is asking me to do. Sometimes it is horribly painful (i.e. breaking up with The Ex Boyfriend) and sometimes decidedly easier. Last night I became aware of the next way that God is challenging me to step outside of my comfort zone.

I am part of a Community Group (small group Bible study) at my church. These girls mean the world to me. I've been in the group for a couple of years, but we have split twice since I joined, so the people in it have changed somewhat. Our last split (which we have to do every time the group gets too big) happened in March, and I was pretty heartbroken about it. Well, last night the news I had been expecting, and dreading, was delivered: we are splitting "branching" once again. Because I am a quasi-leader, it has already been decided which group I will be in. And, well... I had to hold back tears when we talked about it. Four of the girls that I am closest to and adore the most will be in the other group. No more seeing them every week, sharing our hearts and lives with each other.

This is really an exercise in trust for me - trusting that God is placing me where He can use me most effectively, even if it is uncomfortable for me (which it very much is). I feel that I am called to lead a Community Group soon, and the way this split is happening might work out better eventually in that respect. I am being placed with a lot of the younger girls (and separated from the only other person in our group who is my age and post-college), who I can hopefully lead and counsel well. But it's challenging. I am going to be very sad to separate from some of my dearest friends. We'll say, as we always do, "Let's still hang out all the time!" But we won't. That's just the way these things go.

At this moment I think God is saying to me, "You have grown tremendously in me this past year. You have been able to turn to and lean on these women for support through some of the toughest times in your life. And now, it is time for you to invest in them. This group is not just about you being fed; it's also very much about how you can be used to impact others. Trust me. I know what I'm doing."

Okay, God. I trust you. Even though it hurts. Even though I sobbed in bed last night about it, and even though I know there will be more tears once we have to tell the rest of the group about this. Even though I am surprised and a little confused at the way you are doing this, and it doesn't at all fit into what my plan was. Even though __________.

"Trust in the LORD with all your heart
                and lean not on your own understanding;  

in all your ways acknowledge him,
             and he will make your paths straight."

                             Proverbs 3:5-6



Sillyness at U-Swirl



 



Eat Pray Love

I just saw this movie tonight. I've never read the book, and honestly didn't even think the movie looked that great but I had heard it was good and I was in the mood for a movie.

I LOVED IT.

Afterwards my friends and I were talking about what we thought, and I said, "I loved it! And I'm pretty sure it was written about me." Seriously. I haven't seen a movie that I related to so much in a looooong time. She and I have so much in common. She didn't know how to be alone, or what kind of person she was without a man to lean on. She tried so hard to be what he wanted, or just to force it to work even though she knew in her heart it wasn't supposed to.  

One quote really stuck out to me (I don't remember it exactly and couldn't find it online, but something like):

"We both deserve better than to stay miserable together just because we are afraid we'll be destroyed if we don't." 

What a spot-on summary of the entire last year of my last relationship. I honestly couldn't have put it into words any better than this.

Other quotes I loved from this movie, that also felt like my life:

"Ruin is a gift. Ruin is the road to transformation."

"The only thing more impossible than staying was leaving."

"This is a good sign, having a broken heart. It means we have tried for something."

"It won't last forever. Nothing does."

For me, it is such a great feeling to watch something that portrays SO many of my deepest emotions and thoughts. It's a reminder that no matter what I feel, I am never alone in it. So, basically, I loved this movie. That's all for today. :)